See, millennials, I work for my breakfast! I better stop before I launch into a re-worked version of Miss SofiaвЂ™s вЂњAll my lifeвЂ¦вЂќ monologue. So whenever I want sвЂ™mores for breakfast, I have to break graham crackers into a bowl and add marshmallows and bits of chocolate by myself. KelloggвЂ™s apparently makes Smorz cereal, but IвЂ™ve never seen it at my grocery store. General Mills put it out in 1982 and it was discontinued for good in the late 90s.

It was like Golden Grahams but was dressed up with deliciousness like sugary Styrofoam thimbles (aka their version of marshmallows) and chocolate.

One of the best ones that my mom never bought me was SвЂ™mores Crunch! It was sвЂ™mores in a bowl. Yeah, you do.вЂќДЄll this talk about cereal has got me thinking about cereal (imagine that). They were taking advantage of a labor shortage with no regard to how it would affect consumers who are experiencing serious inflation. This is BS Kellogg workers were making 35/hour. As smoothies and breakfast sandwiches get all the attention on the dance floor, dusty cereal is sipping a Long Island Iced Tea on the sidelines while saying to itself, вЂњFuck those young tramps.В You still got it. Hey what the f is wrong with the Smorz logo. Bitch, get paper bowls! Bitch, get those single-serving cereal things at Costco! Bitch, keep cereal alive! While some experts believe that cereal is dead to da grave (copyright: Funky Dineva), KelloggвЂ™s, of course, believes that cereal will soon make a triumphant return. Cereal clean-up is just too much for their delicate asses. TheyвЂ™re confused by cereal and they donвЂ™t want to strain their bodies while doing extremely hard labor like washing the bowl in the sink afterward.

Many millennials apparently like to stuff already-made smoothies and breakfast sandwiches into their lazy mouth holes in the morning because itвЂ™s easier. The New York Times published a survey that found that 40% of millennials canвЂ™t with cereal because they are lazy! However, the golden era of cereal has long been overВ and itвЂ™s because the young tricks of today donвЂ™t get it. We are so much damnВ cereal that the cereal companies couldnвЂ™t keep up and even though a new cereal came out every 15 seconds, it still wasnвЂ™t enough. We ate so much damnВ cereal that many of us are still shitting out chemical marshmallows that took decades to digest. Cereal sales are reportedly falling every year and those lazy millennials are to blame! Us children of the 80s did our part to keep the cereal industry alive and well.

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